laughter-everyday: tumblr has given me the ability to laugh at the stupidest shit in the world in my head with a straight face.
selfdoubtandsyphilis: dankestrnemes: do animals think in english or in the sounds they make this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for
shubbabang: “You need a job” “You need an education” “You need to get married” “You need to have children” “You need to be rich”
noonereadstheurl: I honestly can’t blame David Karp for wanting to sell this website You can only be called “daddy” by white middle-class teenaged girls so many times before something just snaps
claydols: im trying to be more positive *sheds electrons and becomes highly unstable*
craplos: ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
moltres: overhearing a conversation between strangers in which they’re saying something completely wrong and you really feel like correcting them
theangelgabrieldidmyhair: The Yahoo people actually coming to look at the site they want to buy
jesscookie: but where are the 358 other xboxes
bioWHERE IS DRAGON AGE III
brandisbigbootybitches: im gonna make a movie that’s titled “WILL SOMETHING SCARY HAPPEN?” and it will feature an hour and a half of someone walking around their house in the dark doing various things that COULD be the prelude to something scary but nothing actually scary will happen until after the credits when spooky scary skeletons will play
teacher: where's your homework
me: where's leonardo dicaprio's oscar
h0rmonecasserole: Saying “my friend” is just much easier than saying “this person I follow on tumblr” so you’re all my friends whether you like it or not okay
k-lionheart: cryptaniac: bananneli: I wish that there was a socially acceptable way to say, “I’m having a bad mental health day and need you to pay attention to me,” without alienating everyone. or: “I’m having a bad mental health day and need to be on my own for a while so please don’t be mad if I cancel our plans on short notice.” Tangerines. the code word is Tangerines.
lokis-taking-gallifrey: friendlycloud: hitlervevo: why the fuck cant we text the police lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you Relevant they’re actually trying to do that in some places
babyferaligator: haha loser look at you sitting all by yourself at lunch but mom Im homeschooled
fuqyourlies: reasonswhydansafail: sleepingartist: urbancatfitters: if i ever start a band i’m going to name it “music” and then it will be literally impossible to find any of our songs on the internet the first album : “Unknown album” the hit single: “track 1” album art Some people wanna watch the world burn
satans-fabulous-blog: morphingly: brightredkettle: are you the SAT because i’d do you for 3 hours and 45 minutes with a ten minute break halfway through for snacks That’s the most reasonable pick up line I’ve ever heard. You’re hired.
tardisity: The oldest person alive was born on April 19, 1897, meaning that April 18th, 1897 was approximately the last time the Earth was inhabited by an entirely different set of people and if you don’t think that’s the realist shit ever then you can get right on outta town.
njena: i think the reason perfume commercials are so weird is because they have to advertise a smell without using smells
teen pregnancy is more acceptable than being gay and that’s really sad
officialdogblog: procrastinators are able to do 30 minutes of work in 8 hours and 8 hours of work in the 30 minutes before it’s due
monarchbaby: mareeps: still not sure what exactly math is It’s buying 72 watermelons while not admitting you have a problem
ieatgokudera: EYELASHES YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO PREVENT SHIT FROM FALLING IN MY EYE BUT WHEN YOU FALL IN MY EYE THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO DO YOU WERE MY LAST LINE OF DEFENSE AND YOU BETRAYED ME
dirkkat: i like how some people on tumblr tell you nothing about their personal lives and remain a total enigma even after months of following them and then some other people on tumblr practically liveblog their farts
1/4 of tumblr: OH MY GOD GUYS THEY ARE GOING TO BUY TUMBLR
1/4 of tumblr: OH MY GOD THEY BOUGHT TUMBLR AND ARE GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING
1/4 of tumblr: WHO THE FUCK CARES, THEY AREN'T CHANGING ANYTHING ANYWAYS
1/4 of tumblr: yo wtf how is this fucking site 1.1billion dollars we literally post porn and doctor who all day
do you ever just watch the first episode of your favorite show again and look at how plain and simple everyone is before character development sets in and terrible shit starts happening to everyone
Have you ever:
1. Skipped class?
2. Done drugs?
3. Self harmed?
6. Gotten a tattoo?
7. Broken up with someone?
What's your favorite:
This or that:
15. Invisibility or Ability to fly?
16. Cookies or Cake?
17. Twitter or Facebook?
18. Movies or Books?
19. Coke or Sprite?
20. Blind or Deaf?
21. Tea or Coffee?
25. Sexual orientation?
26. Shoe size?
28. Longest relationship?
29. Gay rights?
30. Second chances?
31. Long distance relationships?
33. The death penalty?
34. Marijuana ?
36. Believe in ghost?
37. Shower facing the shower head or turned away from it?
38. Sleep with the door opened or closed?
39. Love someone?
40. Still watch cartoons?
41. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
42. Like yourself?
ambassador-of-anguish: shouldertappingghosts: If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate...
Reblog if you say "fuck" more than 5 times a day.
onlygayscanreadthis: I say it more than 5 times a sentence.
Don't stop playing. Don't ever stop playing.
the13thchair: - The 13th Chair